A Muted Farewell For A Considerable Blonde

It would have been inaccurate to label her as a convenience,

Downright unfair, in truth,

And certainly she was no matter of any port in a storm;

She fell into the category of handsome women,

And tended more to the Rubenesque than the runway.

Indeed, the odd occasions where an evening with the gang

Fragmented into a somewhat unmatched set

Were more in line with setting into a familiar harbor,

Bereft of the intoxicating hazards of shoals and sand bars, perhaps,

But familiar, comfortable, a pleasant haven

From the riptides, undertows and various entanglements of the open water.

 

It was an aneurysm that took her, a type of thing

We’d always associated with grandfathers, aged uncles

And various other old men who’d already played out the string.

What’s more, it turned out that she was staunchly and stubbornly Lutheran,

Regular to the point of obsession in her attendance at services

(We’d no way of knowing such a thing, of course,

As the idea of lollygagging at hers on a Sunday morning

Would be both curious and curiosity),

So we found ourselves in stiff collars and ties we hoped were suitable,

As the whole affair had us more than a bit off balance,

And we were only able to gain back our equilibrium at the end,

Just in time to attempt to bounce the pebbles onto her coffin lid

In what we hoped would be some witticism in Morse code.

 

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6 thoughts on “A Muted Farewell For A Considerable Blonde

  1. We do tend to think of aneurysm’s as happening to much older people. My mother died from one 2 days before what would have been her 56th birthday. 56 these days is pretty middle aged now. So, I feel this. Your lady seemed like a wonderful and, comfortable character to want to be around. Enjoyed this very much.

  2. I imagine that this woman had long been a secret source of male admiration for many years, and they all turned out, rather awkwardly, for her funeral: she had earned their farewell.

  3. This is awesome—a superbly clever and surprising ending:

    “Just in time to attempt to bounce the pebbles onto her coffin lid
    In what we hoped would be some witticism in Morse code”

    This is also a great line: “As the whole affair had us more than a bit off balance” … Probably dumbfounded as to how they ever found themselves in her private company in the first place.

    Your title is very funny (“muted” and “considerable”), as is your mention of her being “more Rubenesque than runway.” This is an interesting snapshot into the life of a chubby girl who somehow managed to snag a few guys due to intoxication, poor lighting, and convenience. At least they turned up for her funeral. 🙂

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