My worthy adversaries across the dais would have you believe
That, having fashioned mankind in His own image
And, what’s more, sacrificed His own son
For the sole purpose of its collective salvation,
Our Maker would, in effect, simply shrug his shoulders
And send it toddling off on its merry way.
Free to fall, those arguing the negative will tell you.
Ah, but there’s more than that– not only do they insist
That The Creator has for all intents and purposes abandoned us,
But has allowed an equally powerful and diametrically opposed force
To set up shop on his watch. I would ask them—what drabble of Scripture,
What logical premise would you cite to support such madness?
But surely, my learned opponents would purr (every bit as sly
As devils themselves!)you would not deny the existence of evil in this world.
Morons! Can it be possible that you are wholly ignorant of the work of Augustine?
Tell me, after you finish your warm milk and button up your snuggly jammies,
Does the dark come out after you flick off the light switch,
Or is your grasp of physics and philosophy equally inadequate?
I suppose, in a last, desperate attempt to buttress their arguments,
The supporters of the opposite position will note
That my presence in this lecture hall
Is all that is necessary and sufficient for their argument to carry the day.
I categorically deny the supposition! I do not exist, nor can I!
Hang your forensic skills on that,
You bunch of fucking saintly dumbasses.